


A New Order

by Just_This_Once_Everybody_Lives



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Quests
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-20
Updated: 2014-03-03
Packaged: 2017-12-09 00:08:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/767694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Just_This_Once_Everybody_Lives/pseuds/Just_This_Once_Everybody_Lives
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin feels used, Gwaine has feelings, Arthur is pressured and angry, Gaius has had it and something darker is brewing. A New Year, a New Order. (Set in between seasons 4 and 5, spoilers through season 4 then spins off. I've seen season 5, I loved season 5 but I'm writing my own thing)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In Which Arthur Oversteps his Bounds, Merlin is hurt, and Gwaine Doesn't Know What to Call Himself

“Fuck, fuck, damn and fuck!” Arthur thought slamming his fists down on the table as the door to his chambers slammed shut.  
It had been a long week to say the least. Aggravain may have turned out to be a lying, evil bastard, but he had lightened the kingly load. The people were distressed, pulling a sword from solid stone was not enough to assure most of them of his worthiness, and rebuilding the entire kingdom was not at easy task.  
The people (those who weren't too busy grieving the loss of loved ones) were still anticipating more attacks and many were unsure of where their loyalty should lie now that they had seen the full extent of Morgana’s power. There was a bug being planted in the heads of the people of Camelot “A friend of Camelot is an enemy of Morgana”.  
Arthur was up to his throat in speeches to write, workers/re-builders to organize, councils to attend and nobles to talk down.  
Add sexual frustration to boot and his life was just about hell.  
He had finally gotten a few hours downtime with his queen. Right as he was half unclothed and caught up in the heat of the moment, he had said the wrong thing and Guinevere had stormed out leaving him hot and fumbled. Drat.  
Arthur looked down at his trousers, laces half undone, still hard cock squished uncomfortably in them. This was not a good day for the young king of Camelot.  
Arthur sighed adjusting himself slightly before tying up his trousers and walking across the room to pour himself a cup of water. Sitting down with his cup he barely had a minute to let his frustration die down before there was a knock at the door.  
“Sire,” Merlin’s voice came from outside of the door. “You have a speech to give tomorrow and I thought I’d check in to make sure you’ll be ready,” Merlin said coming round the door to stand in front of Arthur. “Do you want to run it though once or twice?”  
Arthur had barely paid attention to Merlin’s words, first distracted by the pale bit of skin peeking out above Merlin’s ridicules neckerchief then up to his full pink lips.  
Arthur stood, walking slowly but deliberately towards Merlin till he had him backed up against a wall.  
“Sire?” Merlin asked looking confused for a second then going wide-eyed as he felt Arthur's arousal.  
Arthur took Merlin’s lips harshly and passionately. 

___

Merlin could not believe his eyes or rather his mouth as Arthur's hands grasped firmly at his waist, kissing him hot and aggressively. Merlin had dreamed of this for so long (well maybe not exactly this, his version had a few more declarations of love and a bit less pain from being shoved up onto the wall), he never once thought it might come true though.  
He determinedly kissed back pressing his head forward to meet Arthur’s, winding his arms up to clasp either side of Arthur face.  
Things went into a sort of a blur for Merlin, from the moment Arthur pushed him onto the bed relieving him of all clothes (neckerchief excluded) and began to suck and bite at one nipple before pushing him onto his knees on the floor in front of him, to waking up in the earliest of morning, Arthur asleep in his arms.  
It was still dark out, the candles hadn't been blown out the night before and one still burning was at it’s very last stub. Merlin pulled Arthur in close, waking him by accident. Merlin looked down with loving eyes onto a confused face. “I lov-” Merlin started.  
“Merlin‽” Arthur shouted angrily pushing him right out of the bed.  
“Arthur don’t you-”  
“Why didn’t you leave‽”  
“Leave? Arthur, I-”  
“That’s sire to you. You did your duty, now get out!”  
Merlin felt tears welling up in his eyes as Arthur got up and started throwing Merlin’s clothes at him. Merlin shut his eyes tight for a moment, willing the emotion back before pulling on his small clothes and trousers.  
“Will you need any assistance getting dressed, Sire?” Merlin said swallowing hard.  
“Leave.” Arthur said pointing at the door.  
Merlin turned pulling on his shirt, making for the door as quickly as he could without running, he pulled on his jacket as he swung around the door. Once out into the hallway there was no stopping him from running, emotion flowing out of him like blood from an open vein. He was so engrossed in his emotions, that he barely noticed as he ran straight into Sir Gwaine.  
“Merlin!” Gwaine said in surprise taking Merlin by the shoulders and holding him a step back.  
“I’m sorry!” Merlin let out trying to weave his way around the man but Gwaine held fast on his shoulders.  
“Merlin, you’re crying” Gwaine remarked lifting a hand to Merlin’s cheek.  
Merlin hadn't noticed but now with Gwaine’s concern, he could not manage any other sound but a sob.  
Gwaine didn't know what had happened but he was able to recognize when a friend needed a hug. He pulled Merlin into his chest, holding him like that until Merlin lifted his head from where it had dug into Gwaine’s neck. Gwaine administered a tentative yet tender kiss to Merlin’s forehead then looked up Merlin in the eyes.  
“What happened?”  
Merlin shook his head still unable to word let alone process what had happened. “Arthur..” Merlin managed to choke out.  
“Is Arthur hurt?”  
Merlin shook his head, “No.. He just-” Merlin choked over his words.  
Gwaine looked over the disheveled state of Merlin’s clothes, he was missing his neckerchief and he wasn't wearing any shoes... he began to understand. He wound an arm around Merlin’s waist. “Come on,” he said. “I’ll take you back to my chambers where you can clean up a bit and maybe get some sleep”  
Merlin nodded slightly to his friend, walking with him towards Gwaine’s chambers. “What are you doing up this early anyway?” Merlin asked.  
“Got up for a midnight snack.” Gwaine responded, giving Merlin a concerned and caring look. Looks like those were rare on Gwaine’s face, when they did show up they were a sign of Gwaine, not Sir Gwaine the Knight of the Round Table, not Gwaine the Tavern Hopper. Just Gwaine the Human. Gwaine, the human that Merlin had barely scratched the surface of.

___

 

The walk to his chambers was short, Gwaine did not remove his arm from Merlin’s waist the entire time. When they got there, Gwaine told Merlin to sit down on the bed while Gwaine walked across the room finding a cloth and dipping it into the wash basin. He then knelt before Merlin, carefully dabbing over puffy, reddened skin.  
“You don’t have to,” Merlin said reaching up to take over the job. Gwaine let him with a small bit of reluctance, moving away to fetch a cup of water, then sitting beside Merlin, he handed him the cup after he had finished cleaning up.  
“Thank you” Merlin said tentatively as he took the cup.  
Gwaine felt a pang in his chest, Merlin shouldn't have to thank him, he shouldn't have to feel afraid of Gwaine in the slightest and he most certainly shouldn't have to look so damn wounded. He didn't know the details of what Arthur had done to Merlin but at the moment, all Gwaine wanted to do was to give the king a hard punch to his pretty blond head.  
In the time that Gwaine had been sucked up into his own head, Merlin had finished of the cup of water. He looked emotionally exhausted and Gwaine wanted to pull him into his arms and make everything better.  
Gwaine took the empty cup and set it on the bedside table. “Come on into bed, you can explain after you’ve gotten some sleep.”  
Merlin looked slightly confused at Gwaine as he took off his vest, shirt and boots then climbed under the covers.  
Gwaine raised the covers and gestured for Merlin to get in.  
Merlin removed his jacket and looking down realized that he had left his boots in Arthur’s chambers. He Squeezed his eyes shut for a moment before climbing into Gwaine’s bed.  
Merlin felt Gwaine’s arms wrap around him, pulling him in close. ‘I no longer have any idea what to think of anyone’ Merlin thought to himself. He didn't fight against Gwaine’s gentle arms, instead he tucked his head into the Knight’s chest and drifted off to sleep, the last thing he remembered was the smell of trees and leather and a hint of ale long gone on Gwaine’s skin.

___

Merlin awoke to tiny threads of light shining through a tent of dark brown hair. His eyes were sore and crusted and his body felt weak but he was warm, a strong body wrapped around him, his nose tucked into a stubble dusted neck.  
‘Gwaine’ Merlin thought slowly remembering the night before. He winced as he remembered Arthur’s cold rejection and let his head bury a little deeper into Gwaine’s shoulder. Gwaine’s arms pulled tighter around him. ‘so he is awake’  
A kiss was pressed onto the top of his head.  
“Gwaine-” Merlin said.  
“It’s ok Merlin, I don’t know exactly what happened, but I have a bit of an idea.” Gwaine responded. ‘I’m not imposing anything, I’m just here for comfort’ he tried his best to imply.  
He knew that Merlin must be confused, with all the faces Gwaine wore, he confused himself at times. This was Gwaine... but so was everything else, they were all pieces of him, they just didn't come together so good so he used the right ones at the right time. Merlin had mostly seen the pub hopper Gwaine, or the valiant knight Gwaine, Merlin had a right to be confused, Gwaine didn't even know what to call himself at the moment.  
Merlin sighed heavily and squeezed his eyes shut before sitting up a bit and looking out the window.  
The knight’s chambers weren't hardly as nice as the king’s but they were far from poor. They consisted of a double sized bed, a small bedside table, a dresser for casual clothes, a wardrobe for chainmail and formal attire, a medium sized dinning table, a side table with a mirror and wash basin, and a fireplace all in one large room. Gwaine’s room happened to be on the same side of the palace as Arthur’s so it had windows that overlooked the courtyard and citadel.  
Merlin nearly jumped when he realized that he could not see the sun through the window meaning that it must be past midday.  
“It’s late!” He said fighting with the covers to make his way out of Gwaine’s bed.  
Gwaine, whose arms had dropped to Merlin’s waist when he sat up, held fast. “The princess can go a day without you.” Gwaine said pulling him back into bed.  
“But his speech!”  
“Will go fine without you. You still haven’t told me the whole of what happened last night.”  
At that Merlin squeezed his eyes shut burying his head into Gwaine’s chest for a brief moment before adjusting his position and recapping the events of the night before, pausing here and there, determined not to cry, leaving out any unnecessary details and by the end he felt sick to his stomach.  
Gwaine wanted to tear Arthur to shreds. Merlin was kind, Merlin was smart and honest and brave. Merlin was Merlin and the thought of anyone hurting Merlin? Well, that was inconceivable. Playing with his emotions... Merlin wore his heart on his sleeves, it wasn't’t uncommon to see Merlin’s heart drop to his stomach on hunting trips when someone killed a mother deer or a baby boar. To toy with a heart like that, that just wasn't fair!  
Gwaine pulled Merlin into a sitting hug, “I’m so sorry.” he said, and he was, even if it wasn't his fault, even if it wouldn't really help or change anything, he wanted to apologize, but even stronger than that, he wanted to make Arthur apologize. He wanted to make Arthur feel worse than Merlin did. Make him feel truly sorry.  
“How do I act around him?” Merlin said pulling out of Gwaine’s arms and pulling his knees to his chest. “Do I act like it never happened? Do I try to talk about it? How would I even talk about it? How would he respond if I tried to talk about it? What if it becomes unavoidable to talk about?”  
“I think you've earned a few days off. If you never bring it up I’m worried that he’ll mistake his actions for being ‘okay’, if you do talk about it I doubt he would react well..” Gwaine could feel his sentence slipping from him. “I don’t even know.” Now his sentence was completely gone. This was not like Gwaine, Gwaine was a good talker.  
Merlin looked hopeless.  
Gwaine knew he needed to say something that wasn't completely useless. “I could talk to him.” Those words were not supposed to come out of his mouth.  
“But then he’d know that I told someone! He’d only be angry at the both of us.”  
“I could pretend not to know anything other than the fact that you were hurt and he was involved.” Gwaine was no longer in control of his speech.  
There was a long pause, Merlin looked like he might pass out, Gwaine wanted to do something but he feared that he’d already scared and confused Merlin enough.  
“You can think about it for a while... Are you hungry?” Gwaine finally decided on saying.  
“I don’t think I could eat right now, I should probably go back to my room, Gaius will be wondering where I’ve been.”  
Gwaine wanted to stop him, he wanted to do more to comfort him, but instead he let him go. He collapsed into his bed for a few more minutes before getting dressed and going to get food.


	2. A Comfort Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not much to say about this chapter other than it picks up where the last one let off and the chapter after it will pick up at the same place this one lets off.

When Merlin got back to the tower, Gaius was out. He let out a small sigh of relief and sat down by Gaius’s work bench. His entire body ached, he was confused and he felt exposed and wrong without his neckerchief. ‘When did that come off?’

He didn’t know what to do or even what to think, he knew he’d have to go back to work the next day and he didn’t want think about how to talk to Arthur. He didn’t know what to think of Gwaine either. Part of him was glad for the comfort provided that morning, part of him was very scared of what he might owe Gwaine for that. Part of him just wanted to be alone and curl up into nothingness.

He stood and paced for a bit wrapping his arms around himself. It still felt wrong. His arms fell to his side. Far too exposed. Neckerchief. He had another one in his room.

He walked up the small set of stairs to his room. The door was open in a jar. Gaius must have checked inside when Merlin wasn’t up at the crack of dawn as usual. He let himself in and found his spare neckerchief. This one was blue and it looked wrong with his blue shirt. The red one complemented it better. It felt too tight. Strangling. He tore it off. He didn’t want to stand any longer and he didn’t want to sit and he sure as hell didn’t want to lye down. He couldn’t stand up straight enough and he couldn’t slouch comfortably.

Eventually he curled up on his bed. For once glad for the hardness of the thing. His mind refused to clear. He began to scratch at his knuckles. Pain, pain was good. Pain was grounding and calming.

********  
  


___

********  
  


The speech was fine. The people responded fine. It was all fine. Merlin wasn’t there. Arthur was not sure how fine that was.. What does fine mean anyway? No one was dead or mortally wounded, no one was hurt at all as far as he could see, it was fine.

Gwen was proud of Arthur’s speech, the people clapped, no one was heckling, there were no angry uprisings, those who seemed to be wary of his kingship were not spreading their feelings...

Arthur was bored, he had tons of work to do but he wasn’t interested in any of it it (wasn’t giving a speech enough for onee day?), Leon had taken over the knight’s training for the week, Arthur was in fine shape.

His chambers were a mess, Merlin’s absence was discomforting to him. Was it really that big of a deal?

Gwaine was heading down the corridor towards him. Odd.. He looked quite grumpy.

“Gwaine, have you seen Merlin by any chance?”

“He’s got things to do” Gwaine said trying to adopt a disapproving tone. “For Gaius.”

“Right, if you see him again, remind him that he’s my servant not Gaius’s for me.”

Gwaine stared Arthur down for a moment. “He doesn’t need you overworking him.” he said quietly as he continued down the hallway.

Arthur glanced backwards at the man moving away. What was that about?

****

___

****

Gwaine wanted to rip Arthur’s throat out. What right did he have calling on Merlin to wait on his every whim after what he did‽ How could he not seem to realize his wrong‽ Merlin deserved none of this....

Gwaine was afraid he’d scared Merlin off.. He did sort of pull him into his bed and acted in ways that could have easily seemed really strange to Merlin.. Comfort shouldn’t be strange. Comfort should be expected and yet for one person to stand up for and take care of a person who is hurt was against “The Norm”. Why is being a source of comfort against “The Norm”? Why was Gwaine even questioning anything?

He hoped Gaius really did have work for Merlin, he feared what would happen if Merlin were to be left alone with his mind and his heart. Minds and hearts are cruel to their occupants when things go wrong and Gwaine knew that what Arthur did was absolutely wrong.

On a normal day (especially as sunny and gorgeous of a day it was) Gwaine would have filched some food and mead from the kitchen and found himself a place a ways into the woods to relax and enjoy a one man picnic. He liked to be alone and he liked getting away from the citadel for a while. It almost felt like the lunches during his travels. Though the fact that he himself had thought of it as a “one man picnic” was a tad frightening. The travel life was good for Gwaine but now he has something else.. Not quite comfortable, or maybe too comfortable... However, the thought of Merlin alone with his mind was biting at the back of Gwaine’s own mind so he set his course for Gaius’s.

Not too far along his way he bumped into (not literally as he had with Merlin early that morning) Gaius himself heading in the same direction a few paces ahead.

Gwaine caught up to the older man and said, “Good day Gaius”

“Ah, Sir Gwaine, have you seen Merlin? He didn’t come in last night and I had to do the morning med-run for him.”

Gwaine racked his brain for an excuse for Merlin’s absence, the only one he could think of, of course, was the tavern... “He was out with me and the knights last night and was a bit hammered, he stayed the night in my chambers.”

Gaius gave an eyebrowish glance at that and Gwaine cringed. “I was going to walk him home, we stopped by my room first and he fell asleep there. I figured he needed his sleep working so hard for Arthur and all.” Gwaine covered. “He should be back now.”

“He missed Arthur’s speech.” Gaius responded lowering his eyebrow slowly.

“Couldn’t blame him if he had a headache” Gwaine said. “I was actually just heading up to check on him.”

Gaius responded with a “hmph” and the two walked silently the rest of the way to Gaius’s chambers, Gwaine sliding behind Gaius as they climbed the narrow staircase.

Once they were inside the main room of the physician’s chambers Gaius headed to his workbench and Gwaine gave a small nod towards the small side room that Merlin occupied. The nod was not noticed by the physician but he continued up the steps to knock on the door to Merlin’s tiny room anyway.

A crackle of an indistinguishable voice came through the door, then the sound of Merlin clearing his throat.

“What is it?” Merlin said.

He sounded miserable... “It’s Gwaine, can I come in?”

A scuffle was heard and the door creaked open just wide enough for Gwaine to fit through. Gwaine went ahead and side-stepped into the small room. It was a great deal warmer inside than it seemed it should be and Merlin had put blankets over the window blocking out the light. Merlin himself looked a mess, by the state of his floor he must have changed clothes 10 time and left the remains. He was now wearing a pair of very old, nearly threadbare black pants, no socks and a purple shirt. Gwaine didn’t know Merlin owned a purple shirt let alone any shirt that was not either blue or red. Merlin was also neckerchiefless.

The door clicked shut behind Gwaine shaking him out of his observations. Merlin was looking downward, shoulders slumped, tiredness exuding from his body.

“Thought I’d come up and see how you’re doing. Provide some company if wanted.”

Merlin glanced up, “I’m...” He trailed off, looking down again.

Gwaine’s first impulse was to hug but he figured any unwanted touch was exactly not what Merlin needed right now. “Do you want a hug?”

Merlin nodded and fell forward slightly as Gwaine stepped in, wrapping his arms around his back and letting Merlin’s head rest on his shoulder.

Merlin’s breathing was slow and heavy, he sniffed and pulled his head back to tuck it into Gwaine’s chest, Gwaine stepped in a tad more to keep Merlin balanced and secure. The stayed like that for a while before Merlin finally lifted his arms to circle around Gwaine, head sliding into his neck.

Gwaine felt the sleepiness of Merlin soak into him and there they fit.. Gwaine was unsure if Merlin was noticing the same thing but somehow with their height difference and their different body-types they fit there perfectly together.

This was now the third longest hug Gwaine had been a part of, the first was with an utterly drunk and needy guy at a tavern a few years back, the second was the hug he gave his mother the day he left to travel the lands. Ok, it had surpassed the length of the hug he gave his mother.

Merlin was the first to pull away, he moved to sit on the end of his bed and let his forehead rest in his palm.

“Long day” Gwaine said.

Merlin nodded, letting his palm fall but still not meeting Gwaine’s eyes. “Yeah” he said. “Really long..” Merlin glanced at the spot next to him then at Gwaine (not the eyes, more of the shoulder region).

Gwaine stepped over (careful not to step on any clothes) and, trying to catch Merlin’s eyes, sat next to him.

“Now isn’t the time to retreat into yourself, Merlin” Gwaine said.

“What else do I do?” Merlin said, finally looking Gwaine in the eyes. It was as bad as Gwaine had feared.

“Take good care of yourself, pay attention to your needs, ask for comfort or help when needed.”

“What do you even know about it‽”

Gwaine’s stomach knotted and he broke Merlin’s gaze, instead being drawn to Merlin’s slightly bloodied hands. It was worse than he feared. “More than you’d think.. let me see your hands.”

Merlin glanced at his hands. “It’s nothing, I scraped them while I was putting the blind up.”

“Merlin,” Gwaine said with an attempt at Gaius’s ‘you know better’ expression.

Merlin scoffed, “It’s nothing.”

“Well you could let me have a look then.”

Merlin slowly raised his knuckles towards Gwaine, looking away from them towards the covered window.

Gwaine took Merlins hands carefully, turning them this way and that. The first and third knuckle of his right hand had been scratched through. They were swollen and split at the creases, they hadn’t bled much but they had not been cleaned up at all. The first, second and third knuckles of Merlin’s left hand were much the same. The second knuckle looked the worst and it was swollen enough to limit the movement of the joint.

When Gwaine looked up Merlin was staring down at both their hands. “You should soak these in some cold water, it will bring down the swelling and make them easier to clean up.” Gwaine said.

“I’m the physician’s assistant here..” Merlin replied.

“I know, but would you have told yourself to take care of the wounds?”

Merlin looked back towards the window. “I don’t want them to heal..” Merlin said in a small voice.

Gwaine could feel his eyebrows furrow into a pitying expression. Gwaine hated pity glances. He forced his face back to neutral before Merlin could look back at him. If Merlin would look back at him.

Gwaine felt helpless, a feeling he hadn’t encountered in a long time. Helplessness would not help Merlin right now, ‘ _Merlin’s most likely already feeling plenty helpless... why can’t I think‽_ ’

“You have to let them heal, you’ll need them eventually and unless I am very much mistaken, these are the only hands you will ever have.”

“Why are you doing this, Gwaine?” Merlin said standing to face him.

“I’m your friend. I care about you and you’re hurt.”

“No. That can’t be it. What’s in it for you‽”

Gwaine winced. “I’d care a hell of a lot if you hurt yourself to a point where there is no healing, I’d care a hell of a lot if you never smiled again, I’d care if you were left alone at a time when you need someone by your side.”

“Why‽” Merlin said raising his voice.

“Does there have to be a reason?”

“Yes, there does.”

“Alright.. When we first met and I was injured, you didn’t just take me to Gaius. You saw to my treatment and set me up in your bed. You care for people. You don’t even have to know that much about them you just do. You have an overwhelming amount of compassion in you and you deserve that same care and compassion from all the people around you.”

Merlin turned away _yet_ again. “I’ve killed people.” He said quietly. “In my time serving Arthur I’ve killed people without thinking of their background, I just thought of them as bandits or allies of Morganna. When Arthur and I ran from Morganna’s invasion just a few months ago we took shelter with bandits, if Arthur had of been wearing his red Pendragon cape, they would have seen us as a threat and attacked us. I might have killed them then. They saved our lives and fought on our side. The two leaders were so in love...”  Merlin was silent for a moment. “What does it matter how many people I care for or how compassionate I am to some if I’ve taken the lives of people who are just as real as those I care for?”

“It still matters Merlin, a life saved is still a life saved. It matters to me, and my leg for that matter.”

Merlin was silent.

“I’ve killed too and I haven’t saved as many lives as you have.” Gwaine said. “I still care just as much about you.”

“I think I need to be alone for a bit.”

“I’ll respect that.. If there is anything at all I can do for you, don’t hesitate to come to my chambers.” Gwaine said standing up.

Merlin didn’t answer.

“Promise?”

Merlin looked at Gwaine.

“Promise?” Gwaine asked again.

“Fine.”

“Take good care of yourself, Merlin.” Gwaine said as he left the room, closing the door behind him.

He nodded to Gaius on his way out. The physician’s eyebrows were raised but he was focused on the small medicine bottle in front of him. Gwaine hoped the old man would keep Merlin preoccupied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll try to update every Friday from now on but I can't promise I wont get behind. I still don't have a beta so if any of you would be up for beta-ing for me leave me a comment and I get back to you. I hope you all enjoy this second chapter and the story line will pickup soon (this isn't just a hurt/comfort, silly romance fic).


	3. Gaius is Not Hard of Hearing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter this week. I promise I'll write an extra long one for next Friday to make up for it.
> 
> Edit 5/17/13: Hi, I know I promised I'd upload an extra long chapter for tonight but extra long chapters take extra long to edit and I have work in the morning. I will try to have it uploaded by tomorrow evening if that's not the case, Sunday (5/19) by midnight is the longest it should take. Thank you all for reading!

Gaius may have been old, and his vision may have been diminished, but his hearing was fair. He was worried for more reasons than one. This was not the time for Camelot’s sorcerer to be emotionally impaired.  
The people were talking, there was rumor of a new order coming to Camelot and while Gaius was counting on Arthur making some changes, he did not believe that that was the kind of order. Uther was dead and Arthur had allowed Camelot (even for a short amount of time) to fall into Morgana’s hands.  
Merlin had not heard the talk that Gaius had, Merlin was rather recognisable as the King’s servant but Gaius, Gaius was old and when you get old, you become part of the everyday scenery. Once you get old you become forgettable.  
As court physician Gaius had access to everywhere and everyone within the citadel. The place the talk was most outright was amongst the lesser nobles as they were the rich and also the power hungry. They were the types who would call on Gaius for even the most minor of headaches. The types that Gaius would give a simple blend of herbs that could do no harm or really help anything just to get them to quiet down. Such was the mixture that he was currently tending to.  
He added a bit of water to the bottle, corked it, and shook it. It would do. He’d ground the herbs into quite the pulp as he listened in on Merlin’s conversation.  
He stood and crossed to Merlin’s room, “Merlin,” he said, knocking gently at the door “I’ve a tonic for you to deliver to Lord Sirwin.”  
Gaius heard a scramble and what sounded like the quick changing of clothes. “Aye” Merlin said somewhat muddled as he opened the door. “Instructions to give him?”  
“Tell him to drink it down and his headache should be gone within the hour.”  
“Have you ever considered telling them to take a few drops for each one of these headaches? It’d certainly keep them away longer.”  
“A good idea, Merlin. Tell him that. And if you would collect the bottles from the morning med-run?”  
“Aye, I’ll be back later.” Merlin said as he made for the exit.  
“Oh and Merlin,” Gaius said. “Don’t go off to the pub tonight, I’m making your favorite meal.”  
Merlin gave an almost smile and a nod before walking out the door.  
Gaius took a peek into Merlin’s room and tutted to himself at the mess before he began to pick up and fold clothing. Gaius really had begun to look at the boy as a son. 

___

Gwaine felt the urge to kick himself yet again. He had forgotten to see if Merlin had eaten all day.  
In the hour since he’d last spoken to his raven haired friend he had remembered thing after thing that he should have checked on. He was beginning to get desperate for a reason to return to Gaius’s. He couldn’t fake an injury and he was not going to go down the road of causing his own again.  
‘Oh Merlin, may what powers that exist be looking out for you.’ He thought as he remembered the poor boy’s hands. It was then that he realized that he had never asked Merlin if he had any kind of belief system. Gwaine himself was agnostic as were his parents. His mother had celebrated everything she could whether she believed in it’s purpose or not. He still remembered fondly the celebrations of Ishtar and Yule... He idly fondled the pendant at his neck. Yule would be upon them soon. Uther had banned it’s celebrations in Camelot yet last year Arthur had allowed for it’s celebration within the kingdom. He wondered if there would be a proper court celebration of it this year or if they’d just stick to the celebration of the New Year as was customary.  
He wished he could go back to where his mother lived for the holiday. He wished he could bring Merlin just to try to put a smile on his face. He had no idea if his mother still lived. He didn’t want to go to visit just to find out she was in fact deceased.  
He sighed and moved from the windows of his chambers to sit at his small dining table. He wasn’t quite sure if he was hungry. It wasn’t exactly the kind of time where one desired to eat. He had many memories swimming around that were not exactly fond... Maybe he was worn out? He finally decided upon a short nap.


	4. Do I Know You?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being so late! I've decided because of my schedule that I am going to start posting every-other Friday, this chapter was technically supposed to be last Friday's so I'll have another posted in 1 1/2ish weeks, by midnight, on Friday and then we'll go from there. Comments are always appreciated, I still don't have a beta so feel free to point out if any of my words are funky and I can clarify or edit it. Thank you all so much for reading and enjoy this next chapter installment of "A New Order"!

Merlin was half way through collecting the bottles and finding that the closer he got to returning to Gaius’s the further away he wanted to be. Working made Merlin feel more like himself and as himself did not want to harm himself, he did not want to do anything he’d regret. Scratching wasn’t going to cut it for long and he had all sorts of tools at his fingertips. He knew that if he went back to Gaius’s, ate dinner in silence and went to his room, he’d be stuck with himself again. He actually wanted to take Gwaine up on his offer of company.  
They weren’t as close as they were when Gwaine was first knighted, Gwaine had been busy being a knight of the round table and Merlin had become servant to a king, and a needy one. He was beginning to realize that he knew very little about his friend. They had bonded over not knowing their fathers, they had just been getting to know each other but then Gwaine had to leave. When they met the second time there was such a loyalty but Merlin had still passed him off as a bar hopper. Even after Gwaine was knighted and proved to be such a brave knight, Merlin had still just assumed Gwaine’s entire past to be bar hopping, running and one nighters.  
What reason did Gwaine have to really care about Merlin? Sure, Merlin helped people from time to time but he was the physician’s assistant, he had magic, a destiny, and not much of a choice. Gwaine was a knight. Knights have a complex that allows them to believe that if they flash their swords at troublemakers and go kill people in battles they are keeping everyone ten times safer and people should totally buy them some mead for it. Knights aren’t there to heal people or comfort them, they’re there to do swordy things.  
Merlin decided that after dinner he would head to Gwaine’s chambers, try to ask some questions.  
He knocked on another door, an old man opened it, held his finger up for a second before walking to a table and collecting the shards of a broken bottle to give to Merlin. Merlin pulled his lips into a line and accepted the shards. The old man gave an apologetic smile and shut the door.  
Merlin looked down at the shards in his hands not quite sure what to do with them, he had an extra bag though so he deposited them there and tied it to his belt.  
The last 3 stops were uneventful and soon he found himself back at Gaius’s. The physician greeted him with a smile as Merlin set his basket full of bottles on the old workbench. Dinner was nearly ready and it was indeed his favorite.  
“I’m just going into my room for a second,” Merlin said. “I’ll be out for dinner in a moment.”  
“Wash your hands, you don’t want those scrapes getting infected.” Gaius replied.  
“Scrapes..” Merlin said pausing at the bottom of the short flight to his room. “Right, these. Lead-rope, in the stables. Taking care of Arthur’s horse. Just sort of got pulled..”  
“Hurry up and wash, dinners nearly ready.”  
“Aye” Merlin ducked into his room, he untied the bag of glass shards from his belt and set it on the wash table before beginning to wash over his hands hastily. He washed away the clot on the second knuckle of his left hand and it started to bleed. ‘Shit.’ Merlin thought, he finished washing his hands and found himself a scrap of gauze to staunch off the bleeding. It didn’t take long, a few seconds of applying pressure and the bleeding was mostly stopped.  
He discarded the gauze and left his room. Gaius was walking to the table with two bowls of steaming thick vegetable stew, a loaf of bread already sat on the table. Merlin breathed in and felt his stomach growl at the smell of familiar food. He hadn’t eaten all day and he had not found himself hungry until now. He walked to the table and took his usual seat across from Gaius.  
“Thanks” He said with a small smile.  
Gaius smiled back and nodded.  
“There were 2 broken bottles today but the rest are on the workbench.” Merlin said after his first few bites of food, he really was hungry and the food was hot and good.  
“Old man Gilly and who else?”  
Merlin chuckled slightly, “Lady Siffion.”  
“Ah”  
Dinner went on relatively quietly, small conversations here and there. Merlin helped wash up and put away the bowls afterwards, his stomach happily full.  
“I’m going over to Gwaine’s for a bit.” Merlin said lifting his jacket from the back of the chair he had sat in at dinner. “I’ll be back in time for the morning med run.”  
“Alright, Merlin.” Gaius said. “Don’t forget that tomorrow is market day, I’ll be sending you into town at noon to stock up on food and some supplies.”  
“Right.” Merlin said nodding on his way out the door.

___

 

Gwaine awoke from his nap to find the lights outside were dimming. He sat up and let his legs dangle over the edge of the bed. He had been more tired than he thought. He just had time to wipe the sleep from his eyes before there was a knock at the door.  
Gwaine jumped out of bed and practically ran to the door. ‘This will not do,’ he thought, then looking at his clothes ‘neither will that.’ He cleared the wrinkles in his pants before opening the door.  
“Hi” Said Merlin sheepishly.  
“Hey,” Said Gwaine with a slight smile, “Come in.”  
Merlin nodded as Gwaine stepped aside to allow entry. It was darker in Gwaine’s chambers, the candles were unlit and the fire had dwindled down a bit. Gwaine quickly went to light the candles and stir up the hearth.  
“That’s a bit better,” He said after the fire had sprung up again. “How are you feeling?”  
Merlin inhaled but didn’t say anything. Gwaine stepped closer to is dark haired friend and took up his left hand. The wounds were clean now but the second knuckle was swollen and hot as if it had been worked too much. Merlin’s expression remained open and blank but his jaw did tighten a tad when Gwaine swept a thumb over the first three knuckles.  
“Do you need a hug?” Gwaine asked  
“I don’t know..” Said Merlin in a spacey tone. “I was fine through dinner and running errands for Gaius... I don’t know how I am now..”  
“It’s ok to not be fine.”  
“Is it, or will I just disapear?”  
Gwaine pulled Merlin gently into his arms. “The trick is, you have to know when you aren’t fine so you can ask for help when you need it.”  
Merlin relaxed into Gwaine’s arms and Gwaine took it with relief.  
“How do you know about these things?” Merlin asked over Gwaine’s shoulder. “You had to have been hurt. How would anyone be able to hurt you let alone have the time in all your travels?”  
Gwaine tried to answer but his throat clenched. It was not the time to talk of dark times so instead he said; “That’s a long story, Merlin. Maybe one for another night.”  
Merlin let out a slight huff but kept his arms looped gently around Gwaine’s back anyway.  
“You’re all warm..” Merlin said.  
“I just woke up from a nap.”  
“Did I?-”  
“No, I’d just sat up when you knocked.”  
“Hmm, I don’t know how I got so tired now..”  
“Emotional distress, plus errands to run, and did you just eat for the first time today?”  
“Yeah,”  
“That does it.”  
“Hmm..”  
“You sit or lie down or whatever’s comfortable, I’ll make some tea. Does that sound ok?” Gwaine hadn’t comforted many, nor had he been comforted much before but his mother had always made tea when he had bad dreams as a child and he still kept a store of his favorite for long and haunted nights. He released the hug gently, ensuring that Merlin got all his weight back on his own feet with a hand to the shoulder.  
Merlin nodded and he did indeed look tired. He stood and watched as Gwaine put the kettle over the hearth and pulled out a small wooden box of tea along with a metal teapot that looked as though it’d seen many days of travel and definitely did not come from Camelot into which he added a few pinches of the loose leaf. Gwaine looked back at Merlin momentarily and Merlin sat at the end of the bed.  
“Where’d that teapot come from?” Merlin inquired.  
“This?” Gwaine said holding it up a moment before setting it on the table. “Towards the beginning of my travels, I worked on a trading ship and we sailed to a place called Iceland. Rightfully named that, it was frigid farthest up north we traveled. I had brought a teapot from home with me but I left some water in it.. it froze over and crumbled so I got this one.”  
“You traveled with so little, yet you managed to carry a teapot?”  
“What’s a cold and lonely night without tea?”  
“I don’t know.. A slightly more cold night?”  
“Aye, this one can go right into a fire as well, there’s loads you can heat it it besides just tea.” Gwaine said giving the pot a tap and encouraging a small smile from Merlin.  
“Why didn’t you heat the water in it then?”  
Gwaine gave Merlin a sad look. “I find more and more that staying in Camelot has put me out of my old living habits..”  
“I see.”  
“Yeah,” Gwaine opened one of the drawers of the table and pulled out 2 pewter mugs. “Kettle will be boiled soon, then just a few more moments for steeping.”  
“Do you wish you could go back to your old life?”  
“..The people here are so stiff.. It’s not just here, it’s everywhere. When I was traveling and I belonged to no kingdom, it was easier to ignore. There are so many rules and standards, I don’t understand why people can’t just do as they want as long as they aren’t causing damage to themselves or unwilling participants. They outlaw all these things that are inherently not bad or good instead of just outlawing using them to create bad situations. Things were simpler when I didn’t have to sit and watch things play out.”  
Merlin had met Gwaine’s eyes full on and Gwaine was not completely sure what he saw within them. The kettle began to rattle and he broke the gaze to remove it from its place in the hearth and fill the teapot. The tea steeped fairly quickly and soon he was placing a cup in Merlin’s right hand as it was less swollen. He then took a seat to Merlin’s left.  
Merlin inhaled the scent of the tea. “Mint?” He asked.  
“Spearmint, peppermint and chamomile.”  
“Nice.”  
“Aye, I ran out of my favorite, it was pretty similar but it also had passiflora.”  
“Gaius used to put that in Morgana’s old nightmare medicines.”  
“Most people don’t like the taste but it’s calming and I kind of grew to like it.” Gwaine took a deep sip of his tea. “Where I grew up, many of the soldiers liked to smoke it in pipes.”  
There was a silence as they both drank their tea, it wasn’t a bad one, Gwaine wasn’t sure whether to say anything or not. His cup was nearly empty and he felt sleepy again. Merlin’s hand bumped Gwaine’s knee as he sat his empty cup on the floor. Gwaine looked at it a second, took the last sip from his own cup and set it next to Merlin’s before reverting back to; “How are you?”  
“Not coping but not not coping... I feel like letting the world fade but I know I can’t for long and if I do, it will only make it harder to go back into the world.” There was a short moment of silence between them. “It’s funny... I thought I was going to come in here and ask a bunch of questions but I still feel confused and I’m not really sure what I’m supposed to do right now..”  
“There isn’t any one thing that you’re ‘supposed’ to do. You can talk, you can be angry, you can be sad, you can cry, you can ask me to hold you, you can ask me not to touch you at all. It’s up to you and how you feel, the only things you can’t do here are take out negative emotions on me or yourself.”  
Merlin sat silent and looking even more confused. He was receding into himself again.  
“Hey,” Gwaine said and Merlin looked at him, “You don’t need to do any of those things if you aren’t comfortable.” Gwaine felt odd in this position, sure when he was hurt he would dream of a kind person reaching out their hand and giving him a safe space but if anyone in real life had of done that too him he’d have sooner growled at them to go away than actually opened up to them. He wanted Merlin to feel safe, he did not want to make things awkward or uncomfortable.  
Merlin’s gauze softened, he looked so very tired. There was a slump, then Merlin’s head rested in Gwaine’s lap. Merlin took a deep breath in and then quietly, he said; “Hold me?”  
“Yeah.”  
“I feel cold..” Merlin said after a moment.  
“Climb under the covers, you’ll warm up.”  
“Emotionally cold too... I should go,” He said sitting up and then standing. “I need to at least work for Gaius in the morning.”  
“Ok..”  
“I’ll find you if I need you, I just... Maybe daylight next time?”  
It made sense, it wasn’t the best situation, Merlin was confused, there was nothing to be afraid of about the daylight. “How does midday lunch tomorrow sound? I’ll bring food, you meet me at the gate, we can talk, I’ll tell you anything you want to know.”  
“Ok.” Merlin said smiling a tad. “That sounds good, actually. I have to go into the market for Gaius so maybe a bit after noon.”  
“Alright.” Gwaine said rising from his spot to walk Merlin to the door. “Sleep well, take good care of yourself.”  
“I’ll do my best” Merlin said. He paused for a moment in the doorway, then gave Gwaine a quick hug and was gone.  
Gwaine huffed slightly after closing the door. He wasn’t the best at this, it was much easier to be bar hopper Gwaine with witty one-liners and social ease, even if it wasn’t entirely him, it was easy to put on that show. He also wasn’t all that used to a Merlin that was hurting and not just cheery-Merlin who pokes fun at Arthur or even moody-Merlin who always seems to be hiding something, like he could be the secret savior of the universe but no one would know it. He was beginning to realize just how little he knew the man and maybe Merlin felt the same of Gwaine, Gwaine was being different too. Maybe they just needed to get to know all the sides of each other before they could just trust each other.


	5. A Picnic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright! I apologize for the huge gap there, I was off crushing the patriarchy over the summer and then I was busy with school and performance stuff. I've almost graduated now so it should just be the show stuff holding me back! I will try my very best to pick up posting every other Friday alternating with my current running Cosmere fic. Also, I did not do my usual editing and polishing read throughs for this chapter because I have a migraine and I wanted to get this posted as soon as possible so you guys don't feel like I've abandoned you. As always TWs for rape/non-con, self-harm and now loss of appetite because I don't write fluff.

The next day when Merlin awoke, he did not want to get out of bed. From the moment he’d blown out the last candle to go to sleep the night before he was haunted. Too many feelings, memories that he had been ready to set as a beginning of something so good had spiraled so badly so fast. From there it was far too easy to think back to other heartbreaks of past relationships and from there he thought of Freya then to Will, he wanted Will most of all in that instant. Will had made him happy, whenever he had felt afraid about the enlarging war against magic, Will had made him feel safe and secure.   
He’d cried himself to sleep the night before and in that morning, he could feel it. The crusted eyes and slightly puffy cheeks, he ached all over and his stomach was churning.

He knew he’d feel better if he got up, washed his face and got on with his day but he did not want to get out of bed. He felt so tired. All that sleep and still no rest.

There was a knock at the door. “Merlin?” Came Gaius’s voice. “You said you’d be up but I just thought   
I’d check on you, your breakfast is on the table.”

“Be out in a minute.”

“Alright” Gaius’s footsteps shuffled away from the door and down the few steps.

Merlin heaved to his side and brought his knees to his chest for a spare moment before letting his feet fall over the side of the bed. He pushed himself up into a sitting position then rubbed his hands over his eyes for the fourth time that morning before getting up to wash.  
It was a cold morning and he shivered from the cold water of the water basin. Once he’d dried his face he set about getting dressed for the day. Black pants, red shirt, belt, an old pair of boots since his good ones got left in Arthur’s chambers.. Blue neckerchief and his usual brown jacket. Normal Merlin...

He took one deep breath before opening the door.

“Goodmorning,” Gaius said. The older man was taking inventory of the herbs on his work table.

“Morning.” Merlin replied. He found his way to the dining table and stared down at his breakfast. Some bread, cheese, an apple -sliced- and water. Pointedly not beige mush. 

“So,” Gaius said walking over to sit across from Merlin.

“So?” Merlin said twisting a torn-off piece of the bread in his fingers.

“You’ve seemed a little down lately, thought I might check in on you.”

“I’m fine.” Merlin said a little too fast. Of course then he realized that he had said it in a suspicious way and elaborated; “I’ve been missing Ealdor a bit more than usual lately.”

“Ah, it’s the approach of the winter holidays, it’ll do that to you.”

“Must be..” Merlin took a sip of his water, it was cold. He was cold.

“I’ve prepared a list of the herbs I need that can only be found at the market.” Gaius said handing Merlin a piece of parchment.

“Alright,” Merlin said looking over the list. “I think I’ll take the rest of this to go.” He said beginning to gather up his breakfast into a napkin, heading for the door. 

“Ah, Merlin?”

Merlin turned looking back at Gaius. ‘/Oh!/’ He thought grabbing the basket from by the table.

“The market is probably still setting up this early in the day.”

Merlin paused. “Right, I’ve got a few chores, Arther things, armor to polish, you know the drill.”

“Right, I guess I’ll see you at dinner then.”

With that and a ‘see you then’, Merlin was out the door.

 

___

 

Gwaine stood at the castle gates, the air was crisp and refreshing. It was a mostly clear day with only a thin expanse of cloud covering the sky, tinting it a gray blue. The ground was starting to freeze but there was no wind and no snow, for that, Gwaine could be pleased. Snow was a miserable thing.  
He stood there waiting. He didn’t mind. He was however a bit antsy. If he felt he would have had a chance at convincing Merlin to stay the night in his chambers the night before he would have. He would have even given Merlin his bed and slept in a chair. If there was one thing Gwaine had really become attached to since he settled down into knighthood, it was that bed.  
Finally he heard footsteps jogging up to the gate. 

“Oh! Am I late, I’m sorry.” Merlin said.

“No, I was early.” Gwaine responded.

Gwaine couldn’t help but notice the way the tips of Merlin’s ears were a reddish pink and the neckerchief, which was usually tied loosely around Merlin’s neck, was tied up close. Merlin was pulling down on it with one hand, his hands were healing over. That was good.

“I might have picked a warmer day of a picnic.”

“It’s fine,” Merlin said. “Shall we?”

“Alright then,” Gwaine said leading the way out the gates and towards the tree-line. 

They weren’t going far enough away to need horses, just far enough to get away from the people and the noise. The walked a ways into the woods in silence before Gwaine asked; “How are you holding up?”

Merlin took in a deep breath and huffed it out before answering; “Do you really have to ask?”

Gwaine spun around to walk backwards for a while, his pack fell off his shoulder, sliding down into his hand. He let it swing at his side as he thought. “Yes I have to, even if you get tired of hearing it.”

Merlin huffed again. “I don’t know.” He said looking at the ground for a moment, anywhere but 

Gwaine’s face. “I don’t-” He cut off and shook his head.

“Okay,” Gwaine said turning back to walk at Merlin’s side. “Out of all the subjects in the world, what would you like to talk about?”

Merlin clinched his eyebrows in thought, maybe it was a contagious thing he caught from Gaius.

“Anything.” Gwaine said, reiterating. 

“You.” Merlin said. “What happened to you that made you so... How do you.. Empathise?”   
Gwaine took in a deep breath, he had figured this topic would come up and he’d prepared himself for it. “Let’s set up here.” He said, gesturing with his pack. He opened up his back and took out the blanket he’d packed at the top. Merlin helped him set it out on the ground evenly. Then they sat and Gwaine figured it was his time to talk.

“I don’t remember much of my childhood up until I was eight or nine, what I do remember, snippets and things, all seem to suggest that I should be glad that I don’t remember... I only ever knew my mother but she did say that this ring belonged to my father,” He said fiddling with the ring on his necklace. “And that I would need it someday. When I was seventeen I left home, a small village on the edge of Lothian, and I got work on a boat. I loved it, it was my first real taste of travel. I was rather connected to that crew aswell, one of them even taught me to sword fight. I sailed with them for a year and then I went off to start my own travel, which I did, for a year or so. I fought informal bouts along the way for money. I was in Ireland then. After a while though I started to miss having permanent friends like I did back in my village and on the boat so I figured ‘why not get work on another boat?’ and when I met a captain about ready to set sail with a very handsome son about my age -dark, curly hair, lots of it, green eyes angular face-, I signed on. This ship wasn’t like the last one... The other members of the crew were harsh, they weren’t good men. The Captain’s son mostly hid away in his room below deck. One night while the rest of the crew was getting drunk, I visited him, he said he’d been watching me.. I didn’t know how seeing as I never saw him up on deck. He kissed me though.. I think I would have fallen for him but instead I’d left the door to his room open and some of the drunken crew stumbled by. They saw us, they grabbed me and-”

Gwaine didn’t want to go on but Merlin took his hand. “What?”

“One of them... They raped me in front of of the boy.... After that I couldn’t get off the ship until the next port a day and a half later, which I did and it was near here and I barhopped for the next few years til you came along and you know the rest.” 

“Gwaine, I..” Merlin didn’t quite know what to say, of course he didn’t, who would?

“I’m great at lightening moods when I’m sober, aren’t I?” Gwaine said. He got out food from his pack and there, exactly what he was looking for, a waterskin full of spiced mead.   
He offered Merlin the first sip and Merlin raised an eyebrow.

“Spiced mead, to get you into the Yuletide spirit!”

Merlin accepted the skin and took a sip before handing it back to Gwaine. 

“See? Warms you up a bit.”

Merlin nodded.

“You know what’s important?” Gwaine said after he’d taken a sip for himself and recapped the water skin.

“What?”

“Not letting yourself get into pity contests. Then you have other peoples problems giving you grief aswell as your own.”

“Pity contests?”

“Oh yes, in all my experience barhopping, I saw plenty of them. One man would talk about one bad thing that had happened to him, then the other would match it with a tale of his own and it just goes on and on... Terrible sad drunks those lot make.”

“Well, lets not spend the rest of the afternoon on pitiful subjects then.” Merlin responded.

“Cheers to that.” Gwaine said taking another swig of the mead then offering it off to Merlin.

 

__

 

Their afternoon was spent in fond memories, the spiced mead did indeed seem to get them in the Yuletide spirit. Gwaine talked a lot about his mom and the village he grew up in, as it would turn out, Gwaine was raised Pagan and their families (or single mothers atleast) shared many of the same traditions. They ate their picnic, well Gwaine ate most of it, but Merlin did eat some. Merlin had received a letter from his mother that day, indeed it was what made him a little bit late. He hadn’t had the chance to read it yet so he ended up reading it aloud to Gwaine. Ealdor was well and getting ready to celebrate Yule, his mother was wondering if there was a chance that he could visit home for the holiday.

“I think arthur owes you the time off.” Gwaine said cheerfully.

Merlin’s eyes went downcast. 

“Should I not have mentioned him?” Gwaine asked when he was the look on his face.

“No, it’s not that, it’s just... I haven’t been back there since my friend Will died.”

“Will?”

“He was,” Merlin cleared his throat. “He was my ‘first love’.” He said, rolling his eyes slightly at ‘first love’.

“Oh..” Gwaine said.

“It’d be okay if you came with me.”

“To Ealdor?”

“Yeah, you might like it, there aren’t really any taverns but there’s an old man who brews his own incredibly strong mead!”

Gwaine smiled and looked away but Merlin’s hand caught his face.

“Please?” Merlin said. 

For a moment they were just sitting there, Merlin was daydrunk and Gwaine was wondering why Merlin’s hand was on his cheek and if he was just dreaming. 

“Alright.” He finally said.

Merlin pulled back punching one hand forward through the air. “Yes!” He said, then he flopped backwards on the blanket.

Gwaine laughed. Merlin joined in.

“Come on,” Gwaine finally said after awhile. “It gets dark early this time a year so we should get you back to Gaius’s.” He helped Merlin up before packing up the remains of their picnic and heading back to the castle.


	6. Just What You Need

Merlin had dropped off the herbs from the market, along with a few new bottles and jars to replace the ones that had broken or not been given back throughout the week around midday. Gaius had taken his time taking inventory and putting together a few of his more in demand remedies that he liked to keep in stock. The last of those brews was sitting in a small bowl on a stand over a candle, it had just begun to simmer when Merlin returned.

“Home before dark,” Merlin said coming in through the door. “I said so.”

“So you are.” Gaius replied from his workbench. “I haven’t even started making dinner yet.”

“That’s fine, what’s this?” Merlin said looking over Gaius’s shoulder at the bubbling greenish brown muck.

“See if you can guess.”

Merlin took a closer look at the potion then tentatively sniffed it. He wrinkled his nose at the salt-like smell. “Sleeping draft.” He said.

“You are correct.” Gaius said. “How was the letter from Hunith?”

“Good,” Merlin said crossing over to the dining table to sit down. “Ealdor is doing well, they had a great harvest this year so there’s plenty of food to go around. She invited me home for Yuletide, apparently the whole village is preparing for quite the celebration.”

“Oh,” Gaius said with a smile. “Are you going to accept.”

“I think so.” 

“Good, it might be just what you need. When do you plan on leaving?” 

“Tomorrow, I figure I’ll be needed back here by New Years so I thought it’d be nice to go down there a few days early.”

“A good call.” Gaius said testing the consistency of the sleeping draft with a stirring stick. He then blew out the candle underneath the small bowl. Carefully, using a bit of scrap cloth to handle the bowl he poured its contents into two waiting viles. “Now that that’s done,” He said as he corked the viles. “I can start making dinner.”

“Alright, I’m going to start my packing. I’ll be in my room if you need me.” 

With that Merlin was off up into his room. Gaius was quite pleased with himself, it had been a bit tricky imitating Hunith’s handwriting but the letter had passed and his letter to Hunith explaining that he was sending Merlin home for the holiday would reach Ealdor a good day before Merlin’s arrival. 

Gaius and Hunith frequently wrote to each other, he nearly wished he could come along to see his old friend. She had in fact wrote to him of the preparations for Yule, Merlin was in for a good time.

 

__

 

Merlin had passed by the skin of his teeth, he thought his wobbling on the short staircase might give him away but it didn’t seem to at all. He dug out his spell book from its hiding place in the floor and began to search for sobering spells. There had to be atleast one, didn’t there?

There were fermentation spells, hangover dismissing spells and spells to make people act as if they were drunk, where were the sobering spells? Merlin came across a spell that turned objects into flowers, it made him think of the time at the bridge to the perilous lands when the dwarf, Grettir, had turned Gwaine’s sword into a sprig of lilies, he giggled slightly. He continued flipping through the book until he found precisely what he was looking for.

“áþ mec gedréog” Merlin said, thankful that he wasn’t drunk enough for impaired speech, that could have been a disaster. Merlin felt the haze in his head clear, the acuteness returning to his sensations. His room suddenly felt very cold.

Packing. That’s what he was there for. Merlin returned the book to its hiding place then pulled his pack out from under the bed, it already had a few blankets in it, all he needed to pack was clothes. He packed two blue shirts, one red one, he’d have to get his red neckerchief back from Arthur’s chambers... his good boots too.

Maybe he should talk to George, George could fill in for Merlin as Arthur’s servant while Merlin was gone. George lived nearby in a small house by the stables, Merlin could run over to talk to him and be back before dinner was even ready.

Merlin decided to go ahead and go. 

“I’m going to go talk to George about taking over for me while I’m in Ealdor, I’ll be back in a few minutes.” Merlin said to Gaius on his way out.

 

__

 

Gwaine sat at the dining table in his room, it was late and his hands were wrapped around a hot cup of tea. He had enjoyed his time with Merlin, it was good to get to talk about happier things for a change. Gwaine had always felt something special for Merlin, ever since he woke up in Merlin’s bed after he’d been stabbed in the leg and Merlin came in with breakfast though of course bringing him breakfast in bed would have scored points for anyone but Merlin was special.

The two of them had worked out the details of their trip to Ealdor, Gwaine was still a bit surprised at himself for accepting to go home with Merlin for the holiday, getting out of Camelot did sound good though.

There was a gentle knock on the door.

“Come in.” Gwaine said looking up from his tea.

Merlin slipped into the room. He looked as though he had been crying.

“Hey,” Merlin said.

“Hey,” Gwaine said back coming across the room to greet him. Merlin’s face was tear stained and he looked afraid. “What’s wrong?”

Merlin took in a deep breath, then let it out and took another breath before talking. “I had some time before dinner so I went to talk to George about taking my place as Arthur’s servant while I’m gone and that went faster than I thought it would, he had actually already stepped in yesterday so I decided to go tell Arthur that I would be leaving for a couple days and.. Well, also to get my boots and neckerchief but then he tried to apologize for what happened but instead of really properly apologizing he tried to kiss me and I ran away. I had to sit through dinner like nothing had happened and afterwards.. I just couldn’t sleep and a few days ago there was a broken bottle and the shards were on my dresser I just...”

Merlin was shaking slightly, there were tears in his eyes and Gwaine was terrified.

“Can I-” Gwaine said reaching out in the gesture of a hug. Merlin practically fell into his arms. “Hey, you’ll be alright, I’m here to make sure of it.”

Gwaine could feel his heart pounding as he secured his arms around Merlin’s slim figure. Merlin’s head was burrowed into Gwaine’s shoulder. Gwaine needed to know more about what had happened, needed to know how badly Merlin was hurt, needed to know that Merlin was going to be ok but it was clear that Merlin needed to be held so that is what he did. He held on tight until Merlin’s shaking subsided and all that was left were heavy breaths.

Gwaine pulled back gently still holding onto Merlin at the sides. Merlin’s eyes were swollen and his eyelids were drooping downwards, he looked tired and hurt. Gwaine hated seeing him look so hurt. Gwaine lifted a hand to wipe the tears from Merlin’s face. He wanted so badly to kiss him and make everything better like a mother would kiss her child’s bruise but he knew that that was absolutely the wrong thing to do in the moment. 

Merlin needed a friend not another person trying to kiss him.

“Come on and sit down.” Gwaine said leading Merlin over to the bed. He then proceeded to bring him a damp cloth and a cup of water just as he had a few nights ago.

Merlin dabbed the cloth over his eyes then held it over one eye that seemed to be just a bit more swollen than the other. “I’m okay,” He said. “I cut my leg but it wasn’t deep and I’ve bandaged it, I just... I feel like I haven’t slept in a year..”

“You can take my bed tonight, get a full nights sleep and in the morning we will be off and out of here for a couple of days.”

Merlin took a deep breath before slipping out of his boots and jacket. “I’ll need to be up before Gaius, he doesn’t know that I’ve slipped out again.”

“I’ll wake you up.” Gwaine said. 

“Aren’t you going to sleep?”

“I will, I’m not very tired though.”

Merlin climbed under the covers of Gwaine’s bed but looked confused when Gwaine didn’t follow suit.

“I’m going to finish my tea.” Gwaine said walking back to the table where his cup sat now at a perfect sipping temperature.

“Stay by me?” Merlin asked as Gwaine went to sit down.

Gwaine looked up as a sleepy eyed Merlin and couldn’t refuse. He sat at the edge of the bed drinking his tea as Merlin fell off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Decided to post this chapter 6 days early! I'm really glad that I've come back to this fic, I have so much planned for it and I really enjoy writing it.


	7. Sky Dandruff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I am sorry for being a bit late with this chapter. I have my first solo show coming up on March 28th so I have to now dedicate myself over to rehearsals, A New Order will be back again in April. Also if you happen to be reading my Stormlight Archive fic, it is on brief hiatus while I outline it further. The outline for this fic is finished at this point, I don't have a definite chapter count but it's going to be a long one.

Gwaine didn’t dare to move once throughout the night. Even as the sky began to lighten on the horizon in anticipation of the rising sun, he felt as if a wild bird had landed on his shoulder. Merlin’s face was buried into Gwaine’s side, his shoulders moving slow and steady, as he breathed in and out. Gwaine didn’t want to wake him up, he didn’t want to move. He hadn’t slept all night, he really wasn’t that tired.

Gwaine took a deep breath and reached a hand to Merlin’s shoulder. “Merlin,” He said. “It’s time to get up.”

Merlin turned his head to look up at Gwaine, he blinked. His hair stuck up on one side and Gwaine fought the urge to grin. Merlin gave out a slight humph and buried his head back under Gwaine’s ribcage.

“You are the one who told me to wake you up.”

“Mrph.” Was all he got in return but eventually Merlin rolled himself off the other side of the bed and went in pursuit of his jacket and boots. He paused after he’d finished putting them on and readjusted his neckerchief. 

Gwaine had swung his legs over the side of the bed and was facing Merlin.

“I guess I’ll see you after breakfast..” Merlin said. “Thank you, for.. Well, not just last night.” Merlin ducked in for to hug Gwaine then left.

Merlin was warm and Gwaine had wanted to hold onto that hug. He knew if he’d held on any longer than he did he would not have been able to let go though. Wild birds should only have to stay as long as they want. 

 

__

 

Merlin snuck into his bedroom without a hitch, a shard of red stained glass still sat on his bedside table, he hadn’t been sure what to do with it last night. He opened his window shutters and, with a small bit of leftover bandage, picked up the shard and tossed it out. No need for Gaius to see it in the trash.

Merlin was happy to be on his way to see his mother, he was happy that Gwaine was coming with him. Gwaine had always had a cheering presence and now a deeply comforting one. Merlin felt safe with Gwaine around, not that he wasn’t far from defenceless on his own. Far from defenceless, he needed to remember that he was. It was hollow though.. Physically he was far from defenceless.

Merlin sat down on his bed, his pack at his feet. The chill from opening the window, if only briefly, was setting in and he drew his knees up to his chest.

Soon he would be home and there would be hot apple cider and a warm fire. His mother gave hugs that were rivaled by few, come to think of it only Gwaine could match her hugs in quality, Gwaine and Arthur... Arthur only hugged when there were lives in danger.

The light of the morning finally began to creep along the wall of his room and soon he could hear Gaius beginning to stir. Merlin stretched as he had not done so that morning yet, and slung his pack over his shoulder before exiting his room.

Gaius was setting a pot of water over the fire as Merlin made his way down the stairs.

“Good morning.” Merlin said setting his pack on the dining table bench and sitting next to it.

“Morning,” Gaius replied measuring out oats. “Did you get a good night’s sleep?”

“I did.”

“Good, you’ve got a decent journey ahead.” Gaius took a long pause as he waited for the water to boil before pouring in the oats. “Despite the winter cold, the woods have been filled with bandits, Saxons have been spotted aswell, do be careful Merlin.”

“One of the knights has volunteered to escort me, I’ll be fine.”

“One of the knights?”

“Sir Gwaine.”

“I see.” Gaius replied. “You’ve been spending some time with him lately.”

“He’s a friend.”

“That’s good.” Gaius said stirring the oats as they swelled in the pot.

Soon breakfast was ready and they ate in a comfortable silence. The oats were bland but Merlin knew from experience that they would hold him over for much of the day. 

As they finished their meal Gaius asked; “Have you got your warmest socks on?”

Merlin nodded.

“Packed bedrolls?”

“Mm-hm.”

“Extra socks?”

Another nod.

“Warm clothes?”

“Yes.”

“Lucky rabbits foot?”

“Do you really think I’ll need it?”

“No, best leave it here for safe-keeping.”

Merlin smiled slightly and there was a knock at the door.

“Come in,” Gaius said.

Gwaine stepped through the door, he was wearing his usual shirt, vest and trousers, with the edition of a jacket, a sword at his belt and a pack over his shoulder.

“Good morning Gaius,” Gwaine said. “About ready to head out, Merlin?

“Yeah,” Merlin replied standing.

Gaius stood as well looking Merlin over. “Have a good trip.” Gaius said pulling Merlin into a hug. “And a safe one!” He said with an eye on Gwaine as the two men walked through the door saying their goodbyes.

 

__

 

Gwaine and Merlin made way for the stables, the morning air was sharp and the sky was pristinely clear. Merlin looked a lot better than he had yesterday, his cheeks were rosy from the cold and he had his neckerchief tied up tighter than usual but he didn’t look tired. Gwaine allowed himself to swing an arm over Merlin’s shoulder, the action was barely seemed to be acknowledged though.

When they reached the stables both Merlin and Gwaine’s usual horses had already been tacked up and a figure stood next to them expectantly. Gwaine nearly had to pinch himself for the figure looked just alike to Merlin just... minus the Merliness. 

He had nearly the same brown jacket, black pants, brown boots, red neckerchief and blue shirt only his neckerchief was tucked in and all his clothes looked newer. Crisp.

“Hello George,” Merlin said.

“Arthur asked me to get your horses ready for you and he wished me to bid you well on your trip to Ealdor.”

Gwaine noticed a darkening in Merlin’s eyes when this ‘George’ mentioned Arthur’s name. By instinct he tightened his grip on Merlin’s shoulder slightly.

“Thank you, George.” Merlin said. George nodded and departed towards the castle. “Off we go then?”

“Off we go.” Gwaine replied, he let go of Merlin’s shoulder and tied his pack into place behind the saddle of his horse before mounting up.

Soon the pair of them were out of the citadel and onto their path through the woods. Initially Merlin had rode a bit ahead but Gwaine caught up to him to ride side by side.

“Ealdor is usually a two day walk, if it doesn’t snow we should get there just after sundown.” Merlin said.

“What makes you think there’s a chance of snow?” Gwaine asked.

“Wind’s face on and there were a few clouds low on the horizon this morning.” Merlin answered a little too quickly.

“Hmm.. I must have missed seeing them.”

“How was your morning?”

Gwaine paused briefly at the change of subject. “Fine, I had breakfast with Percival.”

“Percival?”

“Yeah, he wanted to see me and I had to talk to him about covering my patrol shift anyway so we had breakfast at The Rising Sun.”

Merlin was absent mindedly scratching his horses shoulder with one hand, the other of course, held the reins.

“It’s funny,” Gwaine said. “Percival used to have a big crush on one of the barmaids there, I guess he’s gotten over it because he barely glanced at her this morning.”

“Think he’s got a new target?”

“Possibly, he seemed a bit odd this morning. He had /sleeves/.”

At that Merlin finally laughed. “It’s freezing outside!”

“Yes, but when have you ever seen Percival with sleeves?”

“Do you suppose he had to sew them back on to wear them?” Merlin said with a chuckle.

“Or maybe he got a new shirt and hadn’t had the chance to tear them off yet.” Gwaine said raising a finger into the air.

Merlin chuckled again, harder this time.

“What?” Gwaine asked.

“I’m imagining Percival’s room having a pile of torn off sleeves in the corner.”

Gwaine laughed at that and smiled at Merlin. Merlin didn’t laugh quite like anyone else Gwaine knew, his head would turn down his shoulder making a sort of hiccuping motion. It was more of a visible laugh that an audible one.

“So,” Gwaine said. “Is there anything specific I should know before meeting your mom?”

“Uhm, not really... She’s generally a happy and easy going person. We may have to sleep on the floor there, she doesn’t exactly have a guest room. The town is small, everybody knows each other so they’re probably going to want to get to know you. They might pry a bit... Some of them knew about me and Will back in the day so be prepared to tell people that you aren’t his replacement.”

“Would someone say something that insensitive?”

“Well... They’re not insensitive really, but they’ve had time to grieve... I’m sure they’ve moved on.”

“You haven’t?”

“One only has brief moments for grieving that are few and far apart when they’ve got a king’s ‘armor to polish and boots to shine, clothes to clean and speeches to write.’”

“You amaze me, Merlin.”

“How so?” 

“You seem to do the work of ten men.”

Merlin raised his eyebrows for a brief moment and looked away but didn’t respond. The two of them rode in silence for some time. Gwaine took to taking note of each species of bird they passed, he liked birds, his mother had liked birds.

A while down the path Gwaine noticed Merlin trying to tuck his nose and chin into his neckerchief, he stripped his jacket without a thought and rode up close to Merlin to lay it around his shoulders. 

“Wont you be cold?” Merlin protested.

“I got plenty used to cold weather on my travels, Merlin.”

Merlin pulled the jacket a little tighter around his shoulders. “Thank you.”

Gwaine looked up to check the position of the sun in the sky but all he could see through the tree tops were clouds. “How’s your stomach doing? It might be getting close to time to stop for lunch.”

“Oh... I didn’t pack any food.”

“I brought enough for both of us.” Gwaine said rolling his eyes slightly.

Merlin paused for a moment before responding. “Ok, there should be a clearing just ahead of us.”

“Lead the way.”

Merlin rode ahead of Gwaine a small ways forward and to the left. The clearing was flat and dry, though the ground was frozen. Merlin and Gwaine both dismounted and tied their horses to nearby trees. Gwaine made sure to give his horse, Llinos, enough slack that she could graze on the ferns and small blades of grass that braved the cold around her. He then retrieved a small bundle containing one loaf of bread, two apples, a block of cheese and a knife from his pack.

“I brought my favorite cheese from the market.” Gwaine said as he walked over to join Merlin where he was sitting on the ground.

Merlin smiled a bit, he looked funny with Gwaine’s black coat wrapped around on top of his own brown one, the way the jacket was tugged tight around his shoulders showed just how slim Merlin really was.

Gwaine untied the bundle of food, laying it out between them. He sliced up half the loaf of bread and about half of the cheese as well then offered of a slice to Merlin. “It’s really good.” He said.

Merlin took the slice of cheese and nibbled off the corner. “You’re right, it is good.” Merlin said.

Gwaine smiled and sliced off a rounded piece of his apple stacking it on top of bread and cheese to eat them together. Merlin ate his cheese on top of a slice of bread but ate his apple separately. Gwaine used to eat that way but once he tried eating an apple and cheese together he’d never gone back.

Merlin was tentative at first but his appetite seemed to return to him after he’d gotten a few good bites in and he now seemed content. Gwaine was trying not to show just how over-the-moon he was.. He had his favorite cheese, an apple, and Merlin, he was also traveling (sort of) so the moment was pretty dang perfect.

“This apple is really good for a winter apple.” Merlin said.

“Out of all but one other place I’ve been, Camelot has the best apples.” 

“What was the other place?”

“Well, I technically don’t think I was supposed to be there.. It was an island, not too far from Camelot I believe, I had gotten very drunk and into a fight, I was sure that I was wounded but I woke up there unharmed. It was a mostly open place, save for some ruins and an abundance of apple trees. I left using a small boat I found abandoned on the shore and, once I’d left, I was never able to find the island again.”

“You say you weren’t supposed to be there?”

“I don’t remember going there is all... I’m not a forgetful drunk either.”

“Mysterious.” Merlin said.

“They were the best damn apples.”

Merlin laughed but his laugh seemed somehow... nervous? Gwaine couldn’t quite put his finger on it.

Merlin wasn’t as talkative as he usually was and Gwaine was at a blank for what to say. For a brief moment his vision was blurred and when he looked up he could see just a few tiny flakes of snow falling from the sky. “I guess you were right about the probability of snow, Merlin.”

Merlin looked pained by each flake that landed. “I should give back your jacket, you’ll freeze.”

“Are you sure? You can keep it a little longer.”

Too late, Merlin was handing him the jacket.

“We should get moving again, we’re nearly half-way there.” Merlin said.

Gwaine packed up the remaining half loaf of bread, block of cheese and the knife. Merlin was obviously cold from the way he leaned against his horse as he waited for Gwaine to be ready to mount up again.

Soon they were mounted and back on their path

 

__

.

“Sky dandruff.” Merlin said.

“What?”

“The snow, it’s sky dandruff.”

“I think it’s kind of pretty.” Gwaine said.

“It’s cold.”

“Yes, does that mean it can’t be pretty?”

“Yes.” Merlin said tugging his coat -which didn’t button or lace up- tight around his frame.

“What happened to the coat you wore to Gwen’s wedding?”

“It was a loan...” Merlin said looking slightly embarrassed. “You can say his name by the way, it was Arthur and Gwen’s wedding.”

“Oh, it was totally Gwen’s wedding. That wedding, belonged to Gwen.”

Merlin chuckled. “True.” He said. “It was actually Gwen who got Arthur to lend me the coat, she thought that as her friend at her wedding I deserved formal attire.”

“You mean a lot to her.”

“I’ve known her since my very first day in Camelot.”

“She stood you next to Elyan.”

“Well, someone had to keep her boasting brother in check.”

“Oh gods, for weeks! ‘My sister the queen this’ and ‘my sister the queen that’.”

“I wish I had siblings..” Merlin said.

“I do, apparently.”

“Apparently?”

“My mom mentioned it once by mistake, half siblings, more that one of them. I tried to ask for more information but all she said was to stay away from them if one of them ever came looking for me.”

“And so the mystery of Sir Gwaine thickens.”

Gwaine chuckled.

“You said your father was one of Lot’s knights?”

“That’s what my mother told me. She said he was very noble inside and out and that King Lot respected him greatly.”

“When we first met you said you hated kings.”

Gwaine inhaled. “When I was around ten years old, my mother started running out of money. She had rationed what was left of my father’s salary very carefully and she was a farmer but she didn’t have much land or good land. She went to king Lot for help seeing as my father died fighting his battles but he refused to help her financially. She brought me with her that day but Lot dismissed me as soon as he saw me.

“I’m sorry if I seemed that day like I was judging you for judging Uther. Uther wasn’t any better...”

“It’s a good thing Arthur isn’t Uther then.”

“Indeed.” Merlin responded. “He’s just a royal prat.”

“Agreed.”

 

__

 

Merlin was freezing, the snow was coming down harder by the minute and a breeze had started up. The farther he and Gwaine traveled the more snow on the ground there was which only confirmed that the forecasting spell he’d done as he’d first stepped outside that day was correct about which way the clouds were moving.

He could not see far into the woods ahead, the snow seemed to create a thick mass of grey all around him. He could see Gwaine at all times though, he stayed close by Merlin’s side. 

The pair rode silently for hours until Llinos, the horse that Gwaine rode, slipped on ice hidden beneath the snow and barely managed to keep her footing.

“It might be best to stop for the night.” Gwaine said. 

The sun had already set but that time a year, who could afford to call quits at sunset?

Merlin nodded, each time he opened his mouth the cold hurt his teeth so he’d taken to keeping it closed.

They each dismounted carefully and led their horses onward until they found what was almost a clearing in the wood, it would be big enough to sleep for a while. They each tied their horses and Gwaine said; “I’ll clear the snow in this area, see if I can find any firewood before the snow gets any deeper.”

Merlin nodded. “I’ll water the horses.” He said.

Merlin had packed a few extra waterskins, knowing that any streams they were likely to find would be frozen over. He felt bad giving the horses waterskins only, it really wasn’t a proper amount of water for a horse, but it was what he could carry. Thankfully they weren’t frozen. Merlin’s horse, as always, tried to pull the whole waterskin out of his hands but he held on so it wouldn’t spill, the horse drained it rather quickly. Llinos, being the easy keeper she was, did not try to pull her waterskin away and didn’t spill a single drop. There wasn’t a knight in Camelot that didn’t like that horse.

Gwaine had cleared out most of the snow in the area and was doing his best to pull apart a fallen branch when Merlin had finished with the horses. He let Gwaine continue that task as he cleared a circle on the ground for a fire.

It wasn’t long before Gwaine had enough wood piled up. 

“I forgot to bring any kindling.” Merlin said.

“I didn’t. Here,” Gwaine tossed Merlin a pair of flint stones as he made his way over to the horses. “Do you want me to grab your pack too?”

“Please,” Merlin responded.

Gwaine returned with both their packs and after a moment of rooting around he handed the kindling over to Merlin.

Merlin placed the kindling underneath the tented pile of wood and started working to get a spark from the flints, cold hands a bit clumsy. As he was about to close his eyes and use his magic to create a spark he felt Gwaine’s hands on his. Gwaine moved in quietly to recover the job and soon they had a fire crackling as it caught on damp wood.

Gwaine who had obviously been pretending not to be cold all day leaned in just as close as Merlin did when the fire really started to catch. The smoke was thick, Snowflakes evaporated around the flame.

Merlin held his eyes shut tight for a moment before turning away from the fire to retrieve his blankets and bedroll from his pack. He rolled out his bedroll as close to the fire as was safe, Gwaine started to do the same on the other side but Merlin interrupted. 

“We’ll both be warmer if we sleep close together.”

Gwaine hesitated, Merlin tried not to be annoyed by it.

“If that’s the only blanket you’ve got you’ll freeze.” Merlin said nodding at the blanket sticking out of Gwaine’s pack. “You should come share mine.” 

Merlin knew he was pushing it, but it really was miserably cold.

Gwaine complied bringing his bedroll around and laying it next to Merlin’s.

Merlin handed Gwaine the two blankets he’d brought and Gwaine spread them out over both bedrolls along with the blanket he’d brought. Merlin braved taking off his jacket in order to pull another shirt over the one he was already wearing. Gwaine chuckled at him from behind as he pulled his jacket back on. Merlin also switched out his neckerchief for one that wasn’t damp, wrapping it around once to tie it in the front under the main triangle of fabric.

“So that’s how you tie that thing!” Gwaine said.

“Yep,” Merlin said removing his boots and setting them by the fire, Gwaine must have done the same while Merlin was adding layers as his boots were already there.

Once they were both under the blankets Merlin turned over to face Gwaine who was lying on his back completely on his own side. “It shouldn’t be much father,” Merlin said. “Just a few hours once the sun has risen. I’m willing to bet my mother will have hot apple cider waiting.”

Gwaine, who had turned his head to look at him, smiled at that.

Merlin pulled the blankets up around his face, pulling his hands back into his sleeves.

Eventually Gwaine said; “Here,” Reaching an arm around Merlin and pulling him close.

A few minutes later Merlin felt warmth entering his core for the first time since that morning and it wasn’t long before he drifted off to sleep.


End file.
